Have you ever had a tough upbringing Gay or not, I have

I'm Gay this is more about sharing then making a political statement. Have you ever expierenced a hardship in life that made you the person you are today. I'll share. If you read this please respond even if you have nothing to say. Thanks. Just type a smily face. : ) Peace TRACER this isn't spam, this is just part of my life.

Every once in awhile I feel sad for special people that have left this world. Especially by Brother, Jason. He was killed almost 12 yrs ago. It was murder. I lost my best friend, the love of my life, by a man that was Jealous of my Brothers relationship with an ex girlfriend of his. It was a very hard time for me.

I flew to Texas, to be with my Mom but I wasn't allowed in the courtroom. In a way I guess it was for my own benefit, to keep me from further grief. But I really wanted to be in there. I was there the whole time waiting in lobby, and saw the eyes of the Guy that Killed my brother during the sentencing process. I wanted so much to tell the court how hurt and angry I was at this man. During the Trial, my Mother's new Husband, which was allowed in the court explained the details. Danielle, my Brothers Girlfriend that witnessed this event was by our side the whole time, and spent allot of time in the courtroom. I don't remember the guys name but I forgave him. I was allowed in during the decision of the Jury and saw the shame and disappointment he had.

My brother was riding with his new girlfriend down a road. Danielle (my brothers girlfriend was driving the truck), my brother went to visit her during his time off, he was in the Army Reserve and wasn't aware of the anger his new girlfriend's ex-boyfriend had against him.

A little bit about my brother. We grew up on a small farm, son's of a very strict Pentecostal preacher. We had a hard live, very poor and always persecuted by our father. We were required to work all summer hauling hay, we each received 5 cents a bale. We would save our money to buy school clothes for the following year. My dad was very brutal, one year we couldn't make means and he ordered my sisters to join us in the field. My older sister Gina couldn't keep up and was dehydrated, he pulled her off the trailer and beat her in the Hay field. I was dying inside but couldn't do anything about it. (my father said that if we ever talked about this he would send us to Orphan House, we had heard about the Orphan house from TV and we were scared to death of leaving each other). This was nothing compared to the hardship she went through on a daily basis. My sister had confided in me a few years ago and told me, my dad had been raping her for a few years. I wanted to help but couldn't. Once My Mom wanted to leave and I begged to go with her. My dad grabbed my Mom and through her down a flight of stairs, I was about 12 at the time. I knew from that time on I would never let my Dad hurt my mom or sister again. I would sleep at night with a Knife in my bed. I put pans against my sisters door, hoping that if the pan fell I would wake up and go in and save my sister. (STOP) sorry I got off subject.

The Guy saw my brother with his ex-girlfriend driving down the road and he ran them off the road. You have to know my Brother Jason, he was 6 ft tall weighed about 180 lbs. My Brother was Allstate Football, Allstate wrestling, Allstate Boxing. I was Allstate boxing and 3 time state Champion in Boxing during High School. We were taught to be warriors and strong by my father. My father would wake us up at 6 am every morning to run 3 miles before school and clocked us. One day me and my brother were tired of running every morning and decided to trick my dad, we found a shortcut and would hide until a few minutes until it was time to clock in. It worked for a few weeks buy my dad caught on and caught us. And on the the way home beat my brother (Jason) the whole way home. He would have beat me, but I ran faster. If I could go back in time I would have slowed down so I could have been beat instead.

One summer working in a hay field my brother Jason got in a fight with my brother Jared, who was driving the Hay truck, Jared was about 11 at the time. Jared wasn't good at driving and kept putting the breaks on too fast. I was stacking the hay being the Oldest Son it was a privilege but a very hard job. Jason lost it, because every time the truck stopped he couldn't get the hay on the trailer. It was very, very, hot that day, the hay was sticking to our skins and Jason went up to the front of the Truck and grabbed Jared and hit him. Jason thought Jared was playing a game with him, and I don't know if it was on purpose or not, Jared never liked Jason and was Dad's favorite, Jared had a history of messing with Jason, because he always knew he could get away with it. Dad saw what was going on and stopped his tractor. He grabbed Jason and pulled me and Jared into the hay barn. I will never forgive my father for what he did next. He took his belt off and beat my brother, over and over, and over, and over again, I stood there crying and pleading for him to stop but he wouldn't. I felf so helpless. Jared felt bad too, seeing the pain he caused Jason. (sorry back to the story)

At the trial, not being able to speak on my Brother's behalf, I was overcome with a sense of helplessness. Never being able to help my brother and protect him as a Older brother. He was my life my soul.

One day when we were younger, Jason and I went on an exploration. I was always the tough guy the leader, mister know it all. He, at the time was overweight and slow. I was dad's champion, even though my father despised me, I know he knew about what was going on between him and my sister. (which I did, I hated him more than anyone could ever hate a man.) I was 3 time state champion in Boxing and Allstate in Long Distance Track. I always pushed Jason, to make him a stronger person. We spent time hunting and exploring the neighbors land, forgetting about all the hardship we've lived through and just enjoying our time together as we had always done since we were little. (back to the subj)

The Jury came back and said the Guy was guilty of manslaughter and was sentenced to 30 yrs. the Jury didn't know that the guy that killed my brother was in the U.S. Illegally(he wasn't a U.S. Citizen, or the fact that the guy was a known drug dealer. His prior convictions weren't allow as evidence. I purposely have forgotten this guys name, but remember the few seconds I saw his face.

What happened that night, after running Daniell's truck off the road, my brother (who had become Homecoming King, and state Champion in Wrestling for 3 yrs, while I was away in the Marines) My brother Jumped out of the truck and said, "who are you, I am Jason, My brother started beating the crap out this Guy that tried to kill his Girlfriend, (unfortunately the guy had a knife, hidden, and with one jab he shoved the knife into my brothers heart). He later died in the Ambulance on the way to the hospital.

This isn't a story but a very important part of my life that I'm sharing with you.

Sharing who I am will open doors to people that have had similar experiences