More and more and more and more noble American martyrs needed to die...for the Cause of Jesus!

in the words of "The Bowery Boys"(pre Marx Bros and The Three Stooges), "I resemble that remark highly and don't ever say that to me again!" Furthermore, anyone who agrees with me, even on the time of day...definitely has issues I want to deal with. As for myself, I have reasons for having issues...unlike most people I know who only have excuses to have them...however, more ridiculous and humorous those excuses may sound compared to my somber reasons. For I spent ALL my life in Catholic schools, as well as three years in a Catholic seminary...which is what I attribute to the fact that I am now no longer a practicing idolater, kneeing and placating myself...before a Thomas' English muffin.

I do not know how it took place exactly, but somewhere along the line I simply lost, or worse yet, misplaced my faith entirely. I am, after all, only one man so I can only speculate as to when this may have occurred, but it is possible...that it happened sometime during or before or after I was at a Smoke-In in Washington, DC on, or about, July 4th, 1974 which was sponsored by both myself and the Yippies and which I did not know that I was to be the featured act at the gathering of crazies...until after I started peaking at some point, on what I still do not know to this day if it was really acid. But just as I reached supreme disorientation I realized I had far more serious problems to contend with...I had also lost both of my shoes and the t-shirt I had been wearing as well...and couldn't remember where the the fuck the Yippie house was that we were all staying at in Washington...or IF there was a house we were suppose to be staying at in Washington or if New York City had been the point of origin for the day's festivities when we had started out driving.

But I distinctly do remember the afternoon to have been on fire with a surreal and nightmarish quality of unreality that was brought on by the anticipation of the phalanx of police in riot gear...getting ready to riot. At any rate, I was trying to act as un-flustered and unmoved by the whole ambiance of being told to move along while doing zazen in a police state while the hundreds, if not thousands, of straight Americans who were also there and at least seemed to be managing far more successfully than I was doing to be left alone by the authorities, no doubt for giving off the right vibes and pheromones that they would move heaven and earth to mind their own business to pretend everything was peachy normal...while attempting to have picnics amidst the smell of pot, winos walking around muttering to themselves, as well as the homeless and the starving all about those who saw nothing going on around them but the American dream everywhere and all with in eye sight of the armed to the teeth police(and who only had baby teeth back then compared to the fangs of the organized gangs that are authorized to exist by the soon to be, if it isn't already, government[singular] of the world today).

Needles to say, I do think the picnickers that were having such a fantastic pretend good time and the citizenry who were walking about as aimlessly as I was, whether they were on drugs or oblivious to everything because they were high on life while the world was beginning to come apart at the seams back then, could have managed that oblivious state of mind as equally well...even if the authorities had been crucifying three criminals at the foot of the Washington monument, where I distinctly remember...I was when my LSD trip started definitely taking a turn for the worse.

However, DAR, if it is all the same to you I would like to get off of talking about myself and who I was and instead talk about some thing far more important...such as who I am now...which is that I simply do not know anymore. Even though, I do know in my heart for certain, that those "abra candelabra" words the high priests say over the white bread host to cause it to magically metamorphosize into something worth worshiping and venerating and burning someone alive at the stake for saying that I just did with impunity about such a sacred superstition shows everyone what a true coward I am for being willing to hide behind the anonymity that I am afforded here.

Which only goes to prove, that someone as profane as I strive to be would, of course, now have abandoned one of the upteen million One and Only TRUE gods there are to practice Native American fertility rites, Kundalini Yoga with out a teacher, read all of the Kabbalah before Madonna did, familiarized myself with the table of contents in the Kama Sutra as well as being involved in pagan atheistic mysticism and cooking some dynamite recipes that will raise your cholesterol count off the fucking charts and to the point of a coronary they taste so good.

Live long and prosper, DAR...in the meantime beware of calling forth any Supreme Being with the power of your Love thinking you can get away with just talking to the Mother or Father or Both or Whatever while seeking guidance...because a fallen angel once told me in a dream that after she called forth such an Entity into existence the Omniscient Creature was insatiable for "Freedom Kisses"(the new politically correct term for French Kisses or Soul Kisses) as opposed to longing for the company of...Divine Ass kissers.

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xox
nIhILiST, sometime solipsist, part time poet, full time Artist, force of Chaos & Anarchy, erotic writer to be, prophet unwelcome in my own land, the buddha is a shit stick & if you see it on the road piss on it for it is an impediment to your enlightenmen

PS.
As for the existence, or non existence, of God...or even whether S/He is good or even evil...or if there is any reward or punishment after death or even any life after death what so ever...all of those things are of total unimportance and singularly irrelevant as to how one should live their life. For in fact, it should make no difference to one if there is, or isn't, any God to sit in ultimate judgment of us all and our motives for every major, and minor, real or imaginary evil act we commit...nor should it matter whether there is a reward or punishment for any action we do that should keep us from committing it or impel us to do it. But if it makes you feel good to say "grace" before or after a meal by all means enjoy the ritual...but don't go putting down others if they enjoy saying "grace"...before, during and after oral sex.

Because if there is any Supreme Being at all who could somehow manage to overlook the crimes of real human monsters and forgive them when they mouth some absolutely meaningless horseshit that they have suddenly found god and are born again after suddenly being caught...or expect some total forgiveness after spending a life time of torturing men, women and children like a Pinochet or Marcos or take your pick...and manage to get out some fucking horseshit confession to the priest asking for absolution for their sins moments prior to hitting the great other side. And if they can really and honestly believe their own horseshit that they are going to steal heaven...well, then all I can say is...more power to them. Because if anyone can seriously eat and swallow that much epistemological shit and die with a big huge smile on their face indicating how good it tasted to them...well then who the fuck am I to second guess them? Because if I lived 10,000 life times as a clown I couldn't come up with a more absurd and asinine scenario than that. Not even if I was a mime for three of those life times!

And if you people couldn't consciously remember for just a few minutes that I had just been talking about the joy and the religious experience of bringing God into the bedroom with you and your partner while you are each eating each other...then how long do you seriously think a Deity would spend on wasting His/Her time on feeling insulted by such a prayer as that? On the other hand...even if there really had never been an historical Jesus...I would still love the Dude/Dudette...because somebody said, "Love your enemy." And that is good enough for me. Of course, those scriptures do seem to be getting clearer and clearer in our final days together. Take one of the more poetic and therefor one of the more beautiful additions to the One Gigantic All Encompassing and Truly Inspired Volumes of Truth...The Book of Anne Frank, in which it states explicitly, so I am paraphrasing it into English for those of you who do not speak Netherlandish, "I believe there is goodness in everyone...even the fuhrer."

If I can get high enough for just one moment in my life to touch the bottom of an abyss of that much love which is above me...I'll consider trickle down love to be a viable alternative to thinking you know what it is about when in fact you don't have a frigging clue. Nevertheless, if we really must function on such a low chakra as this financial plane...lets have "trickle up economics"...until we can break all those dams keeping us from having..."flood down economics".

Holy Hell ~ You read My FUCKED UP Mind! And fucking awesome read too! I gotta tell ya Zen....sometimes it is really a challenge to decode your writings....I don't mind the course language...who the fuck decided what a "swear" word was going to be anyway? and under who/what authority? Say it anyway you want...I put a sailor to shame with my everyday vocabulary! However, this was a real piece of momentary sanity/insanity perspective. I often hear what I imagine must be God, commenting on all that takes place upon this planet in his name! I spent 5 years submersed in a Nazarene Christian, three of that in active ministry, and I am convinced that if the voice George, "the little dick-tator" Bush hears is God, then it must be the evil twin of the Christian God who is claimed to have inspired the HOLY BIBLE, THE TEN COMMANDMENTS and ultimately JESUS.
Added you to my buddy list, look me up sometime on Yahoo IM: homeworker9992.
Respectfully,
Dar
Awaken Me!
Co-creator/co-owner/manager/moderator